Normal...some thoughts on what that actually means....

What is normal? Stop and think about it. Think about what a 'normal' day was when you were 10. What was a normal day when 15? 24? 30?

Our perception of "normal" changes as we do...what was normal last year may be totally foreign this year. So why is it that when something bad/uncomfortable happens we long for "normal" life?

My Norm 5 years ago included taking CTA to work in Evanston, ordering any kind of food imaginable to be delivered to my door (sigh, I miss that), and going to world class museums on a regular basis.

My Norm 3 years ago included teaching Spanish speaking four year olds English, living in city in the desert, making my way in that city using a language I barely understood, and dealing with report cards (ugh DO NOT miss that!)

My current Norm is what got me thinking about this in the first place.
Today I was cleaning my bedroom...I have let the little things go for a while now and they have combined to become a massive thing that is really bad...anyway, so while dealing with 'stuff' and organizing I began getting angry. I was angry about a multiude of things; I don't have a place of my own, I don't have a job, don't have a purpose, don't have space for the stuff I do have with me...you get the idea...so as I am dusting I am moving the stuff off my headboard and I got the angriest at the stuff I had to move.... I thought to myself "WHEN did THIS become my NORMAL?!?!?!?!"

but you know what...it is. There is no way to make it go away, no way to suddenly cure myself of RA. SO...having umpteen pill bottles that I use on a daily/weekly basis is not what I had hoped for when, as a child I thought of my future...but ya know what? I am SO SO SO very glad that I HAVE all those medications available to me! I live at a time when RA is not cureable but it IS treatable and for that I give thanks! So while I can grieve that I can't do the things I used to, I can also rejoice that I can still do anything at all! I shall strive to remember that my new normal is much better than some of my past normals, and that it can get better or worse depending on my actions.

It also helped that, while cleaning, I found some cards from a wonderful friend that lifted my spirits and a message from FB from a friend in Peru that I actually printed out it meant so much to me at the time, and guess what...it still means a lot to me, I cried once again and was blessed anew!

Yeah, "normal" is overrated!