I am not Job...

I am not Job.

So Job lost EVERYTHING…
…his farm, animals, family, money, and finally health.
And still Job did not curse God.
Throughout everything he turned everything into praise.
He was angry and frightened, he was confused and bewildered
but he ALWAYS blessed the name of the Lord.
With his actions and deeds, he turned every blessing into praise.
He managed to see these horrible things that were happening to him as blessings.

BLESSINGS???
YES.
Job knew that God was with him.
So no matter what happened, Job knew that he was indeed Blessed.

I am not Job.
I forget all too easily that I am blessed.
I focus on the WRONG thing.

I focus on
The pain.
The anger.
The frustration.
The desperation.
I focus on the self.

I need to make myself see that
The pain
IS A BLESSING
The anger
IS A BLESSING
The frustration
IS A BLESSING
The desperation
IS A BLESSING
For God is with me.

The Maker of this universe
The One who holds the sun and stars in His hand
He who created the depths of the oceans
Decided where there would be land and water
Gave us breath, life, and salvation.
For if God is with me
WHO
And
WHAT
Can EVER
be against me?
There is nothing that can conquer me.
Nothing can steal my joy.
I shall no longer give my joy away.
For I am MIGHTILY blessed.

New Spring Blog

I have decided that I cannot fully rely on Facebook to update people about my life.
Not everyone is one FB.

It is the end of April and things are going...well they are going...

I have learned that no matter what Medicaid and SS decides I can still get my meds at no cost to me! The Doctor visits are going to add up though...sigh...pesky doctors!

Next week I am headed down to Indianapolis to stay with my best friend, Lawana, as she gives birth to her thrid child. I offered to go down and help with the cooking and shopping and light cleaning, along with helping supervise her other two children.

By the time I come back to Elkhart my first dose of my new medicine should be here for me! Hooray!

Well that is all I have for now!

I am enjoying my first major season change in two years and I am LOVING it!

Being back "home"

So as of January I am back in the United States of America to stay for the foreseeable future due to my RA. I will not be able to return to Peru to teach and any other missions work will have to be within the US. My body is slowly braking down due to the RA. I am in pain all the time every day. It is just a matter of how much pain.

A good day consists of tolerable pain that I can ignore enough to do the things I want to do. Bad days consist of pain that I cannot ignore and that drastically cutail what I can and cannot do.

I am living with my parents. This is not a good thing for anyone involved. I love my folks and they love me but I am not supposed to be living with them at the age of 32. Tension is always present even if mininally...I have no job, no money, no vehicle, and no ability to get a vehicle anytime soon.

I am glad to be in the States while at the same time longing to be back in Peru.

I am full of contradictions and confusion.

Such is life.

But hey I'm still here and still fighting, so yeah.