OCtober!

October is here...and while it has had it's share of hot (85 degree) days it is quite clear that FALL is here! I am loving the crisp air, hinting of colder air on the way. The campfires, and warm drinks, the amazing colors God paints the trees!

And the October is doubly exciting for me as I finally have insurance! It was SO much fun to go in for lab work and be able to had them my Medicaid care and not pay ANYTHING! It is such a burden lifted.

I do not have much more to report at this present time...so TTFN!

ho, hum...

so things here in Indiana have stalled.

I am still in a holding pattern and it is getting tiresome not to mention depressing. I long to have a job that will allow me to 1)WORK 2)earn money and 3)HAVE SOMETHING TO DO. But finding a job in Elkhart is hard enough then if you add to that my physical limitations it just SUCKS!

BUT on the positive side...Because I haven't been working I HAVE been available to tutor my cousin Kira, hoping to get her ready for first grade. She really has done a great job over the past month and I am proud of her.

Maybe I was brought back to the states just for that...who knows (well besides God)

So as the summer winds down I am left wondering what to do. I am going to go in and fill out paperwork to become a volunteer at Roosevelt Elementary (Kinder thru 3) and see what comes of that...

Hope all is well with all of you!

Cindy

July Update

Just a quick note...

My body continues to improve slowly but surely...I got a cold last week and had to delay my Enbrel shot by 5 days and it was not that much fun...Life is boring and monotonous...but I am here.

Anything that comes to you easy...

...can also leave you easy.

So the week after I wrote the previous blog my body self-detonated. The week of my birthday was hellish. June 9th was the worse day I have had since before I was diagnosed. It was horrible. Since then I have been feeling slowly better everyday. I am still in much pain, but I am no where near riding a bike. *sigh*

It was short lived, but I reserve some hope that I will again get to ride again! Giggle..."some day I will ride again!"

I am so frustrated with this body of mine. I want the Enbrel to work...so very badly.

Maybe as it builds in my system I will again feel better...we shall see.

Riding a bike.

To most in this world riding a bike is not a big deal.

It can be entertainment, exercise, or a way to go green.

Some see it as an obligation, either to lose weight or save the world.

Others see it as fun.

For the last two years (almost to the day) I have seen it as something I am unable to do.

Today that changed.

After three weeks of being on Enbrel my body felt like maybe I could get on a bike and ride. So out to the shed I went, and after a brief fight with the dismantled frame from my mother's hammock I successfully extracted the beautiful blue bicycle. It was crawling with creepy-crawlies so I hosed it down and waited all of three minutes for the fabric seat to dry. (As many of you know my ability to wait is woefully non-existent, which in this case resulted in a slight damp behind.) So I threw a leg over the bike and prepared to "test the waters" with no slight amount of trepidation.

As I sailed down the driveway and out onto the roadway I thought "Okay this isn't so bad." It was then I realized that I had yet to begin pedaling, gravity had done the work thus far. One leg down, one leg up. Right knee bent, left knee bent. Pressure on right knee as force is exerted, now the left knee under pressure...taking stock of what the legs are telling me...CAN IT BE??? I don't feel pain!

Now this is NOT to say I did not feel it...my legs definitely felt the work, for they have been lousy with inactivity for these last four months especially. The point however is the I was CAPABLE of riding the bike!

I, Cindy Leinbach, can once again ride a bike.

Can you hear it? Listen carefully and I think you will be able to hear it...there, just there..."I want to ride my BICYCLE. I want to ride my biiiike! I want to ride my BICYCLE. I want to ride it where I like!!!!"

Ah, the sweet sound of Queen! Oh yes, I want to ride my Bicycle, and so I will!


I managed just twice around the neighborhood (little less that 2/3 of a mile) it is a good start! Now I will wait and see how my dear RA knees feel in the morning! If the news is good I think I shall go for a ride again tomorrow!

To all of you lovely people out there who take this amazing ability for granted...GO RIDE YOUR BIKES, and think twice about how much your legs are actually doing!

Cindy

The first week of the rest of my life...

Last Friday (May 14th) I gave myself my first shot fo Enbrel, the once a week shot for my RA. TOday I gave the second shot. As I sat there grumbling about the fact that because I knew it WOULD hurt it hurt MORE than the first shot I realized that I would be doing this for the foreseeable future. I am so very grateful that I am ABLE to do this. God has provided in amazing ways to allow me to receive this medication!

So my thoughts on the first week of Enbrel:
~It is SO nice to get up in the morning and not have to have an hour to an hour and a half to "get up to speed" My body did not require that this week. I got out of bed and felt pretty good. There is still pain but SO MUCH LESS that it is astounding!

~I still have swelling but I can MOVE all my joints much easier than I have in a LONG (two years) time.

~I have more energy. Which is very nice...depending on how this coming week goes I am hoping to try riding bicycle around the neighborhood! This is VERY exciting to me!

~I am hoping that this will last and is not just my body's "euphoric" reation to the switching of medication. Any Doctor will tell you any time you drastically change what is going into your body it has a time of transition that is often a HUGE improvment that later slides into the true reaction of the medication.

~I am praying (and you can too!) that I am part of the " Enbrel has been shown to halt joint damage in 55% of people wth moderate to severe Rheumatoid Arthritis"....Lord, I want to be in that number!

Okay well that is all I have to say about that...

I will keep you all updated on how life in my body is going.

Cindy

Home again, home again...

I am back in Northern Indiana after spending two weeks in Indianapolis with my friend Lawana and her family. I was helping out as Wani had her thrid child. After two wonderful boys she finally has a little girl, Christine Anne Penrod, who is precious! She already has both her Daddy and oldest Brother firmly wrapped around her pinky fingers!

I am glad to be home and around my family. I am suprised at how much I missed seeing my family. It was only two weeks, not 11 months like I have done in the past...and yet...it felt long this time. It is strange.

That is all the thoughts I have in my head to share right now so I will post again when the whim hits!

I am not Job...

I am not Job.

So Job lost EVERYTHING…
…his farm, animals, family, money, and finally health.
And still Job did not curse God.
Throughout everything he turned everything into praise.
He was angry and frightened, he was confused and bewildered
but he ALWAYS blessed the name of the Lord.
With his actions and deeds, he turned every blessing into praise.
He managed to see these horrible things that were happening to him as blessings.

BLESSINGS???
YES.
Job knew that God was with him.
So no matter what happened, Job knew that he was indeed Blessed.

I am not Job.
I forget all too easily that I am blessed.
I focus on the WRONG thing.

I focus on
The pain.
The anger.
The frustration.
The desperation.
I focus on the self.

I need to make myself see that
The pain
IS A BLESSING
The anger
IS A BLESSING
The frustration
IS A BLESSING
The desperation
IS A BLESSING
For God is with me.

The Maker of this universe
The One who holds the sun and stars in His hand
He who created the depths of the oceans
Decided where there would be land and water
Gave us breath, life, and salvation.
For if God is with me
WHO
And
WHAT
Can EVER
be against me?
There is nothing that can conquer me.
Nothing can steal my joy.
I shall no longer give my joy away.
For I am MIGHTILY blessed.

New Spring Blog

I have decided that I cannot fully rely on Facebook to update people about my life.
Not everyone is one FB.

It is the end of April and things are going...well they are going...

I have learned that no matter what Medicaid and SS decides I can still get my meds at no cost to me! The Doctor visits are going to add up though...sigh...pesky doctors!

Next week I am headed down to Indianapolis to stay with my best friend, Lawana, as she gives birth to her thrid child. I offered to go down and help with the cooking and shopping and light cleaning, along with helping supervise her other two children.

By the time I come back to Elkhart my first dose of my new medicine should be here for me! Hooray!

Well that is all I have for now!

I am enjoying my first major season change in two years and I am LOVING it!

Being back "home"

So as of January I am back in the United States of America to stay for the foreseeable future due to my RA. I will not be able to return to Peru to teach and any other missions work will have to be within the US. My body is slowly braking down due to the RA. I am in pain all the time every day. It is just a matter of how much pain.

A good day consists of tolerable pain that I can ignore enough to do the things I want to do. Bad days consist of pain that I cannot ignore and that drastically cutail what I can and cannot do.

I am living with my parents. This is not a good thing for anyone involved. I love my folks and they love me but I am not supposed to be living with them at the age of 32. Tension is always present even if mininally...I have no job, no money, no vehicle, and no ability to get a vehicle anytime soon.

I am glad to be in the States while at the same time longing to be back in Peru.

I am full of contradictions and confusion.

Such is life.

But hey I'm still here and still fighting, so yeah.